The Etiquette of Greeting: The Engineering of Cordiality and Social Intelligence

The House Whose Door Never Closes

Grandmother Laila stood at the threshold as if preparing for a royal ceremony, even though the visitor might just be a neighbor or a passerby. She called her granddaughter and said, "Ruqayya, a home is made spacious by its owner before it is made spacious by its stones. When someone greets you with a beautiful word, you must return it with two even more beautiful ones, so that the bonds remain connected and the home stays vibrant with its people."

The Arts of the First "Welcome" (Little Ruqayya watched her grandmother receive guests with a flow of words that sounded like rhythmic chants. When she asked about their meanings, the grandmother replied:)

• "Anastouna wa Nawartouna" (You have brought us comfort and light): "‘Uns’ (comfort), Ruqayya, is the departure of loneliness. We say this so the guest feels they have become part of the household, not a stranger to it."
• "Hayy Allah Hal-Talla" (May God grant life to this presence): "This is a prayer for the longevity and life of the beautiful face that has graced us and brightened our garden."
• "Sharraftouna" (You have honored us): "An acknowledgment that the stature and value of the home have risen with the presence of a dear guest."

Rules of Response: "The Word and its Scale"(Ruqayya asked, "Grandmother, sometimes I get confused and lost for words. How do I respond to all this beautiful talk?" Grandmother laughed and said, "Responding is an art, Ruqayya. For every occasion, there is a saying, and every word needs a scale to balance it:")

1. 1If they say "Anastouna," say: "May God grant you comfort in goodness and contentment."
2. 2If they say "Sharraftouna," say: "The honor is ours to see your kind faces."
3. 3If they say "Hayy Allah Hal-Talla," say: "May God bless your noble origins and preserve you."

The Etiquette of Coffee and "Wajib" (Duty)

Grandmother also taught Ruqayya that the language of welcome extends to actions: "When you pour the coffee, Ruqayya, keep your eyes on the guest’s eyes, and let the kind word precede the cup. Say, ‘Please, with health and faithfulness (Bil-Hana wal-Wafa).’ And when they finish and shake the cup, say, ‘May it always be generous by its owner (Dayma bi-Sahibha)’ or ‘May it bring health wherever it flows (Matrah ma yisri yimri).’"

The Tongue is the Mirror of Origins

Ruqayya realized that these beautiful words are what preserve the love of people, and that a kind word is the "sustenance" (Mouna) that never runs out. She looked at her grandmother and said, "So, Grandmother, is it our tongue that carpets the house with silk and rugs?" The grandmother nodded tenderly, "Yes, Ruqayya. Your tongue is the mirror of your home. Whoever honors their tongue with kind words honors their roots and raises the stature of their family. Always be a 'Person of Duty' (Sahibat Wajib), so that your name and your family's name remain honorable in every gathering."